Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Monday, 30 December 2013

For the holidays I've decided to do something a little different and reblog one of my most popular posts - a facetious piece on Fifty Shades of Grey.
It was too good to resist!

* * *

I have succumbed!

Having told myself I had no intention of wasting my time reading the new super-hyped best seller, Fifty Shades of Grey, I have spent two days doing just that.
Why? Jeez, I don't know. I'm still biting my lower lip, wondering that myself. Perhaps, it was my insatiable curiosity as to what all the hype is about.
So, I rolled my eyes and downloaded a kindle version on my new super-tech Macbook.

Oh my, I was stunned by the literary skill of the author and the use of verbosity that would have challenged a seasoned thesaurian!

The emails exchanged by the couple had me peering ever more closely at the page. Not out of excitement at their intense interchange, but the font was so small I found myself reaching for the magnifying glass.
Was that a deliberate ploy by the author to test the eyesight of the reader, or some new and exciting literary technique?
Holy f@*# I guess we'll never know. But I have to admit, I enjoyed the characters' subject titles on their emails more than their actual content.

As for the heavy sex scenes, well... they just made me flush fifty shades of red! It certainly had me effected down there, so much so that I'll have to give myself a spanking as punishment! But, that'll be after I've learnt to expertly pilot a helicopter, glider and super sonic jet, played Chopin on the grand piano like a seasoned concert pianist and ended hunger in Africa!

Wow! That was just Book 1.
Should I or shouldn't I read Book 2 - Fifty Shades Darker? Jeez!
Laters baby.

Monday, 16 December 2013

The Twelve Days of Christmas - An Author's Lament!

It's Christmas time and who couldn't resist doing something a little different? So, here is my version on the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas that I think every writer will identify with.

The Twelve Days of Christmas - An Author's Lament

On the first day of Christmas
my laptop showed to me:

1 sale over Christmas

2 returned ebooks 

3 creepy fans

4 price drops on Amazon

5 new marketing strategies

6 book-bloggers ignoring me

7 Linkedin warnings!

8 tweeps unfollowing

9 Facebook friends blocking

10 censored emails

11 publishing rejections

12 online giveaways - to Khazakstan!

and a Goodreads troll who's following me!