Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Zombies Don't Do a Thing For Me! Or, Why I Won't Be Seeing 'World War Z'

There's something singularly unappealing about a guy who's literally falling apart - face, fingers, toes and various other body parts hanging off his body at odd angles - and whose conversation consists mainly of grunts and growls. (Yes, I know the latter sounds like most teenage guys, but at least they're alive!) And, who wants to kiss someone whose lips are likely to come off on your own, and to whom the term personal hygiene are simply two words found in a dictionary?
Nope, I've decided that zombies are 'not my cup of tea'. Rather, give me the dark, brooding, sensuality of a vampire with his promise of dark pleasure, than a mindless half-rotting creature who's only interested in my brains (and for the wrong reason!)

In the last couple of centuries, the vampire has conquered the popular imagination for the erotic nature of their forbidden blood lust - the throbbing vein in the lily-white throat; the gentle pressure of his mouth on her wrist; that delicate stroke along the artery in the inner thigh... see what I mean? Can a zombie match that? Not bloody likely! (Excuse the pun.)
Okay, so the blood dripping from fangs can be somewhat off-putting, but it's a darn sight better than a putrefying face covered in congealed human brains! One can survive a bit of blood loss but, apart from teenaged boys who've just received their driver's license, no one can function without their brains.

Now, if I was given the choice between a zombie apocalypse and a vampire one, I know which I'd choose. What's more romantic? Being chased by a shuffling, gangrenous corpse with bad breath or hanging out for eternity with a well-dressed, sophisticated hunk with a restricted diet and an allergy to sunshine?

Courtesy of Google images - World War Z
So, sorry Brad, but I won't be going to see your latest flick, nor any movie which features zombies. They just don't do it for me!


jeffgoulding said...

Enjoyed this though I am a zombie fan. I guess it depends what you are looking for in a horror/monster feature. Vampires have become romantic figures although their origins in the movies at least was far different. Nosferatu was hideous and grotesque. I want to be shocked or even scared by a horror movie - the last vampire flick to do that for me was Lost Boys quite a long time ago now.

Tima Maria said...

I loved Lost Boys! That movie, and Bram Stoker's, Dracula, was what turned me into a vampire fan. Like you, I enjoy a good horror story, but being a romantic I like to think some creatures of the dark can be redeemed - except for zombies!